Some days just suck.............

I must've become an old fuddy duddy sometime in the last 10 years, because I really don't like the word suck in this context.  But sometimes it's the only word that is strong enough to really express the severity of a situation.


Yesterday and this morning is an example.


It was 91* in our house when was got home from work last night.  Annie needed to be placed somewhere cool where she could be comfortable for the 10 minutes it was going to take me to go to the bathroom and unload my work stuff and put things away.  I put her on the bed in front of the fan.  I've put her on the bed hundreds of times.  She's not a roller.  She's never just rolled from point A to point B.  She arches her back to reach for a toy, and might roll over in the process, but she doesn't just roll around.  I guess she arched and scooted enough and, while I was outside turning the grill on, scooted herself right off the bed.  Josh ran to the rescue. Picked her up, examined her, hugged her, examined her, held her tightly, examined her.  After she had calmed down we did another exam and saw no discoloration or deformities.  She didn't wince or cry in pain when we moved her joints.  She seemed OK.  I fed her and she seemed happy.  But then Josh noticed something.  She wasn't kicking and moving her left leg as much as her right. He stood her up and she wasn't putting any weight on her left leg.  When leaned to the left she started screaming.  She was obviously in pain.


We err'd on the side of caution and took her to the ER.  It was busy.  The heat wave the last couple days had brought in a lot of patients.  We were finally triaged and given a bed (after probably an hour in the waiting room) in the hallway.  


The whole time Annie was happy and content.  She was playing with me.  She was smiling.  She was cute.  She smiled at all the nurses and doctors as they walked by.  She giggled when someone played with her.  She was a perfect little angel.


The doctor examined her and agreed that yes, she was in pain.  But we couldn't figure out where because she didn't react at all when her leg was manipulated.  We got a set of x-rays** (on both legs because pediatric bones are so abnormal, you need a good leg and bad leg to compare). Dr. didn't see anything on the x-rays.  It is probably soft tissue and we got some Motrin and were told to just keep an eye on it.  Give Motrin every 6 hours and if things don't improve in a couple days to go see her pediatrician.  


OK.  So she's fine.  And I didn't get any dirty looks or lectures or anything when I explained how she fell.


We went home and went to bed.  She slept great (thanks to Motrin).  This morning she still can't put weight on her leg, but she is kicking it and moving it more.  So maybe she's improving.


Twenty minutes later, as I'm doing Audrey's hair, she whined that she wanted the white comb.  The white comb was on the other side of the room.  I told her to go get it and on her way over there she slipped and fell, smacking her face on the floor. She has been falling a lot lately. I know it's normal, but sheesh.  I think she's either going faster than her legs can really take her, or she's tripping over her feet because they're growing.  Or both.  I dunno. But I just can't take falling anymore.  She recovered quickly enough.  Mommy kissed her nose and she was all better.


Fast forward another 10 minutes.  I told her we needed to put her shoes on.  We went into her bedroom to grab her shoes and socks.  She got one look at her slippers and said she wanted to wear them instead.  I told her she had to wear shoes at Miss Gayl's and the slippers needed to stay home.  She screamed, "I don't wanna.  I don't like you." and ran off.  My heart just broke.  My poor little girl is emotionally and physically spent and couldn't contain it.  I caved and let her wear her slippers, but I put her shoes in the diaper bag.  


I wonder, if I am struggling this much at age 2 (not because of terrible twos at all), how am I going to survive another 18 years of this?  


So yeah ... last night into this morning truly sucked.  There is no other word in my vocabulary that can describe it.  If you know of one, please share, because I can't think of one right now.


I pray that I'll get over my emotional low and be able to be a good mommy to Audrey and Annie.  And that Annie will get better.  And that we can go a day without a fall.  And that Josh and I can be the best parents we can be to our kids.  All 4 of them.


**I wish that there were 2 of us there last night because I would just love some pictures of Annie being x-rayed. It's one of those moments that is so innocent and sweet and heartbreaking, I could see come awesome photos coming out of it.  But with just me, I had to hold her down instead of take pictures.