Recycled Parental Statements

We all have horror stories of saying things our parents said that we swore we would never say.  Cliche lines such as, 

• "Clean your plate or no dessert." 
• "Because I said so, that's why"
• "Don't make me get the belt"

I had that moment last night.Audrey was asking me if she could go play at a friend's house.  Experience has taught me that she can't go to friends' houses during the week because she comes home grumpy, won't eat dinner, won't go to bed, etc.  So I've nixed it altogether.  At 2 1/2, she doesn't understand.  So last night when she asked me I said no.  She asked why and I said because it's a school night, Summer had homework, it's almost dinner time ... a whole host of reasons that were true and she should have comprehended.  But none of them satisfied her.  So finally, at my wits end, with nothing left to say and wanting to be done with the conversation, I spouted out without even thinking, "Because I'm mean and cruel and heartless.  But I love you very much."  She said, "Don't say your heartless mommy."  But she was satisfied with my answer finally and she didn't ask again.

My mom used that phrase all the time.  I don't know if she came up with it or if it's something she picked up from her parents.  But it was a staple in my house when we weren't satisfied with a reasoning.  We'd roll our eyes, accept that mom wasn't going to change her mind, and usually continue on in disappointment.  

Last night it just rolled off my tongue.  I didn't have to think of a witty reply or something that would satisfy her. I didn't wonder what my mom would say.  It just came out.  And when I was done I thought to myself, "Oh dear ... my mother used to say that."

What parental lines have you recycled on your kids that surprised you?

Why I'm Thankful for Daycare

I've spent a great deal of time over the last 2 years complaining that I can't be a stay-at-home-mom and that I'm missing so much time with my girls.  I dislike my job and really enjoy being at home.  But many things have come to be that give me cause to be thankful for daycare.  And since James cause us to count everything joy and Paul tells us to give thanks in all things, I thought that I would post some things daycare has done for us that I'm not sure would've happened otherwise.

1. Annie is doing really well with eating purees.  I forget to give them to her and was lazy in the beginning with them.  Daycare is pretty regimented about that sort of thing, so she's figured them out and is doing well.  Although I'm thinking we'll skip purees at home and just move on to stick foods and other finger foods. (do a Google search on "Baby-led Weaning" to understand where I'm coming from.....)

2. Audrey is learning how to play with others and share.  She is still a little selfish at home and insists that all the toys are hers, but she is better understanding the concept.

3. Audrey gets a lot of play time and attention with the other kids that I'm not sure she'd get at home.  At least not as much.

4. When Audrey insists on walking (as opposed to being in the shopping cart or stroller), she holds on to the frame when we walk.  This is a daycare thing; they walk to the park as a group and all hold on the stroller (or hands) so no one runs off or gets lost.

5. relief from the heat.  While daycare lady doesn't have a/c either, she lives near the bay as opposed to inland and it's significantly cooler than at home.  So Audrey and Annie have relief from the intense heat we've been experiencing.  (And I have a/c at work, which is a welcome relief as well)

6. Audrey gets naptime every day and is doing good with it at home as well.

7. Audrey gave up her binky by age 2.  Being around a bunch of older kids who don't use them helped her realize she didn't need one either and helped me just not give it to her knowing she'd do OK without.

8. Audrey eats better when around other kids.  At home we struggle to get her to eat a meal.  She just wants to snack and snack and not sit down and eat a full meal, despite being hungry.  When she's around all the other kids, she eats it all.  So I know that she's getting the nutrition that she needs and is getting a full belly.

9. Related to eating full meals, I know she's eating healthy.  Since daycare food is monitored by the state, she is required to serve rounded diets.  And I've seen first hand the fruit and veggies they eat.  Consequently, now Audrey likes oranges and apples.  Two things that I struggle with eating and keeping in the house.

10. Friends.  Audrey is making friends.  And we all need good friends.  Annie also has a friend her age; daycare lady's granddaughter is one month younger than Annie and comes to visit every couple weeks. 

My favorite Audrey-isms

Audrey Grace is a very smart 2 year-old.  I know, I know.  Every mother says that.  And I suspect most mothers are right.  Audrey has an exceptional vocabulary.  She remembers nearly every word we teach her right away.  She gets so excited when she sees things.  She points them out on the road (dump truck, airplane, red car, etc).  And most things she says correctly.  It's actually quite sad to me, as her mom, to hear her mispronunciations get corrected so quickly.


So my favorite Audrey-isms, past and current.


*wa-wa --> water; about 15 months she said this
*peas --> please; yeah, about the same as everyone else
*day-doo --> thank you - usually accompanied with the sign
*nulkies --> milkies
*she had a really funny one for frog, but I'll let you use your imagination.  let's just say we all cracked up over and over again
*motorbikle --> motorcycle; this one is phasing out
*chloclate --> chocolate; this one is gone.  lasted a couple months.  She just started saying it correctly.  


That's all I can remember right now.  I wish I would've written them down as she had them.  I didn't realize she'd grow out of them so quickly.


Get this ... she only said pasketti ONE time.  She actually says spaghetti.  And she says lasagna.


Where are the cute words toddlers are supposed to say!?!?!?!?


Her vocabulary is big. Her understanding is big.  Her memory is big. Her pronunciations are accurate.  And she is easily understood by most people.  It's amazing.  I wish I could fully capture the amazingness that is my daughter in this blog, but I just don't have the words.

Some days just suck.............

I must've become an old fuddy duddy sometime in the last 10 years, because I really don't like the word suck in this context.  But sometimes it's the only word that is strong enough to really express the severity of a situation.


Yesterday and this morning is an example.


It was 91* in our house when was got home from work last night.  Annie needed to be placed somewhere cool where she could be comfortable for the 10 minutes it was going to take me to go to the bathroom and unload my work stuff and put things away.  I put her on the bed in front of the fan.  I've put her on the bed hundreds of times.  She's not a roller.  She's never just rolled from point A to point B.  She arches her back to reach for a toy, and might roll over in the process, but she doesn't just roll around.  I guess she arched and scooted enough and, while I was outside turning the grill on, scooted herself right off the bed.  Josh ran to the rescue. Picked her up, examined her, hugged her, examined her, held her tightly, examined her.  After she had calmed down we did another exam and saw no discoloration or deformities.  She didn't wince or cry in pain when we moved her joints.  She seemed OK.  I fed her and she seemed happy.  But then Josh noticed something.  She wasn't kicking and moving her left leg as much as her right. He stood her up and she wasn't putting any weight on her left leg.  When leaned to the left she started screaming.  She was obviously in pain.


We err'd on the side of caution and took her to the ER.  It was busy.  The heat wave the last couple days had brought in a lot of patients.  We were finally triaged and given a bed (after probably an hour in the waiting room) in the hallway.  


The whole time Annie was happy and content.  She was playing with me.  She was smiling.  She was cute.  She smiled at all the nurses and doctors as they walked by.  She giggled when someone played with her.  She was a perfect little angel.


The doctor examined her and agreed that yes, she was in pain.  But we couldn't figure out where because she didn't react at all when her leg was manipulated.  We got a set of x-rays** (on both legs because pediatric bones are so abnormal, you need a good leg and bad leg to compare). Dr. didn't see anything on the x-rays.  It is probably soft tissue and we got some Motrin and were told to just keep an eye on it.  Give Motrin every 6 hours and if things don't improve in a couple days to go see her pediatrician.  


OK.  So she's fine.  And I didn't get any dirty looks or lectures or anything when I explained how she fell.


We went home and went to bed.  She slept great (thanks to Motrin).  This morning she still can't put weight on her leg, but she is kicking it and moving it more.  So maybe she's improving.


Twenty minutes later, as I'm doing Audrey's hair, she whined that she wanted the white comb.  The white comb was on the other side of the room.  I told her to go get it and on her way over there she slipped and fell, smacking her face on the floor. She has been falling a lot lately. I know it's normal, but sheesh.  I think she's either going faster than her legs can really take her, or she's tripping over her feet because they're growing.  Or both.  I dunno. But I just can't take falling anymore.  She recovered quickly enough.  Mommy kissed her nose and she was all better.


Fast forward another 10 minutes.  I told her we needed to put her shoes on.  We went into her bedroom to grab her shoes and socks.  She got one look at her slippers and said she wanted to wear them instead.  I told her she had to wear shoes at Miss Gayl's and the slippers needed to stay home.  She screamed, "I don't wanna.  I don't like you." and ran off.  My heart just broke.  My poor little girl is emotionally and physically spent and couldn't contain it.  I caved and let her wear her slippers, but I put her shoes in the diaper bag.  


I wonder, if I am struggling this much at age 2 (not because of terrible twos at all), how am I going to survive another 18 years of this?  


So yeah ... last night into this morning truly sucked.  There is no other word in my vocabulary that can describe it.  If you know of one, please share, because I can't think of one right now.


I pray that I'll get over my emotional low and be able to be a good mommy to Audrey and Annie.  And that Annie will get better.  And that we can go a day without a fall.  And that Josh and I can be the best parents we can be to our kids.  All 4 of them.


**I wish that there were 2 of us there last night because I would just love some pictures of Annie being x-rayed. It's one of those moments that is so innocent and sweet and heartbreaking, I could see come awesome photos coming out of it.  But with just me, I had to hold her down instead of take pictures.  

Worthless Teenagers and the Parents who Make Them

Worthless Teenagers and the Parents who Make Them

Control.

The father who thrives on power, works to control everything (whether he can or not) in his child’s life. He works to make sure that his child will always do and be what he thinks is best. He works to make sure that his child rises to some predetermined and idealistic life-station, and simultaneously he also works to make sure that his child never finds the ability to rise above that station. He works to guarantee that his child will be successful in whatever way he believes success is achieved. He works to force respect. He works to force love. He works to force some sense of a relationship.

The mother who thrives on power, works just as dutifully to control everything (whether she can or not) in her child’s life. She works to make sure her child always believes exactly what she believes. She works to make sure her child always learns the lessons that she believes need to be learned. She works to mold her child into the person she believes her child should be molded into. And, just like the power-craving father, she also works to force respect, love, and the non-existent relationship but forced relationship.

If you're anything like me, you are constantly questioning your abilities as a parent. Second-guessing your punishment or wondering if you should've been less strict. Maybe instead you wonder if you are too easy going and you should be more strict.

If you are anything like me, a good hard look at your parenting skills is, well, hard. I hate criticism and I hate conviction. I hate hearing how I might improve. Or worse, I hate thinking about what kinds of scars I could be leaving on my children (or step-children in this case) by my actions. So why would I dare read a blog that is shedding light on the dangers of control and what causes emotional scars? Because I desperately want to be a better parent and I want the kids to know that they are loved; they are loved by not only their parents, but by God. I truly hope they know and believe that.

After Josh and I both read the "worthless teenager" blog, we sat down and talked. We were both convicted. I, and I'm sure Josh as well, replayed all the fights, arguments, discussions, yelling, etc that has happened recently and wondered:

"Was I too strict?"

"Did I overreact?"

"Did I say something I shouldn't have just to get a reaction?"

"Did I namecall?"

"Am I just trying to prove that I'm in charge?"

"Am I unable to relinquish control of the house?"

"Do our kids have the same self esteem problems that he talks about?"

So we did the unthinkable. We talked to the kids! Yes, we did. We asked for the opinions of teenagers.

We did a little exercise at dinner last night.

We asked each of them what was one thing they believed about themselves. We then asked them what they believed each parent (there are 4 of us in their lives) believed about them.

I hope they were being honest when talking about what Josh and I believe about them. I hope they weren't afraid of hurting our feelings or making us mad. I hope they were forthright in what they believe.

It was interesting. And enlightening. And encouraging. And thought-provoking. And educational.

If you want to better connect with your kids, I suggest this sort of activity. Even if you believe you are the best parent in the world and you have the most well adjusted children possible, I guarantee you will learn something.

I am making a VERY concerted effort to be a little more relaxed in my parenting. To not sweat the small stuff. To be less controlling. (If you ever wonder how controlling you really are - live with another family and see how they do things different from you.) To recognize the human-ness in all of us, including the teenagers. To realize that I didn't get to where I am without being a fumbling teenager. To understand that life is hard enough with school and peer pressure and changing bodies and zits, then you throw in step-parents and step-siblings and 2 houses and 2 baby sisters ........ I NEVER went through that. I have no concept of what it's like to live at 2 houses and have 2 blended families.

I desperately want to be a good parent and will do whatever it takes to be the parent my kids NEED! Do you?

I can't believe...

...that I'm going to be the mother of a 2-year old next month. WOW!!!!

I mean, she already has the attitude of a 2-year old, but next month it's going to be official.

Two different girls...

I could tell that my girls would be different when I was pregnant with Annie.

Audrey always reacted to music, Annie rarely did. Conversely Annie reacted to food all the time and Audrey rareoy did.

Now that Annie is 2 months old, I'm seeing other differences. Audrey would sleep anywhere and anytime. She could sleep sitting up or lying down. Belly, back or side.

Annie will only sleep on her back and usually only in her crib.

Audrey would crash and we could move and transfer her easily to a bed. If we get lucky enough to rock Annie to sleep, its hard to transfer her.

Audrey could sleep through any amount of noise.
Annie has a hard time with noises, especially sudden ones.

They both were spit uppy babies, but Annie's seems more predictable and under control.

Audrey almost always had to be rocked to sleep, Annie seems to do better at going to sleep on her own.

It's fascinating to me how different they are even at this young age.  I am excited to see who they will become as they both grow older.

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Carnival of Breastfeeding - My Family History of Nursing

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!


Challenged by the Motherwear Breastfeeding blog, I'm posting about the history of breastfeeding in my family.


I successfully nursed my daughter for almost 14 months.  She weaned herself because my supply dropped off due to pregnancy.  I plan on nursing my second daughter after she is born (due early December).  Nursing to me was an incredible experience.  I loved that I had all I needed to meet her nutritional needs from the day she was born.  I loved the convenience of nursing, over a bottle.  It was so easy to nurse her when she was hungry or fussing, rather than making her wait to take a bottle.  I loved that nursing her meant she got exactly the amount of milk she wanted, as opposed to feeling obligated to finish a bottle.  Nursing seemed to take the guess work out of "how much" when it came time to feeding.  


I went back to work when my daughter was about 14 weeks old; I pumped when at work and nursed when at home.  It was a struggle to keep up my supply.  Had it not been for a good community of other breastfeeding mothers, I'm not sure I would've made it an entire year.


My mom nursed both my sister and myself.  We were born at probably the height of the formula production.  Technology must be better than natural, was the mindset of the world.  My mom decided that she was going to breastfeed, and she did.  I was unable to take a bottle, so my mom couldn't even supplement with formula if she wanted.  And even after I turned 1, I was intolerant to cow's milk, so she had to continue to nurse me.  It was very reassuring to her that she was doing the right thing. 


Many years later, I remember a conversation with my mom after obtaining information on the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding.  She was so proud of herself for sticking with her mother instincts and breastfeeding her children when formula was so popular.


My maternal grandmother nursed both my mom and my uncle for a few months, but she didn't like nursing.  I believe she also went back to work and couldn't nurse the two kids for extended periods of time, but I could be wrong.


My paternal grandmother had 5 children, 4 years apart each.  The first 4 children she nursed faithfully.  By the time her 5th child was born, she was well into her late 40s and busy with teenagers and elementary school children.  Because she was so busy, and had built in babysitters, it was easy to leave the baby at home and run to the store or a woman's group at church or wherever needed.  


I wonder, had, there been the availability of breast pumps then that there is now, would my grandmothers have breastfed longer?

For more stories on breastfeeding ... read the following.

http://attachedatthenip.blogspot.com/2010/11/novembers-carnival-of-breastfeeding-how.html

http://breastfeeding.blog.motherwear.com/2010/11/carnival-of-breastfeeding-an-unbroken-chain.html

http://lactationnarration.com/index.php/2010/11/only-the-hippies-were-breastfeeding/

http://www.breastfeedingtwins.org/2010/11/beer-and-bottles/

http://mommynewsblog.com/my-family-history-of-breastfeeding

http://goodenoughmummy.typepad.com/good_enough_mum/2010/11/breastfeeding-circa-1950s.htm

http://www.sustainablemothering.com/2010/11/22/breastfeeding-not-in-my-family/

Confession is good for the soul ...

...or so they say.


So I'm going to make a confession.


I'm terrified.  I'm absolutely terrified of having 2 children under the age of 2.  I'm afraid of not being able to give Audrey the attention she needs while still meeting the needs of a newborn.  I'm afraid of not being able to fully recover from a c-section with a toddler at home.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to do laundry to have clean diapers for either child.


I'm afraid of the sleep that I won't be getting.  And how this change will affect the existing relationships.


I think that I have more apprehension regarding this baby than I did when pregnant with Audrey.  I was ready to have a baby when I was pregnant with Audrey and I knew that I'd be able to handle the challenges that a newborn provides.  But I feel like I'm going into something that I have no business being near by having 2 kids so young.  YIKES!!!!!!


I know that these are all perfectly normal things to be concerned about.  And that many women have done this before.  I know that things will ultimately be OK and I have to just find my groove.

My Dearest Daughter

Dear Audrey,


I'm writing this letter to you today because I need you to know something.


I LOVE you very much.  I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life.  I didn't know it was possible to love anyone or anything as much as I love you.


I love the way you say my name.  I love the way you laugh.  I love the way your hair curls in the back.  I love the hugs that you give.  I love the kisses that you give.  I love your soft voice.  And the way you carry bags around like a purse.  I love your curiosity and always wanting to make things work the same way the big people do.


I am your mom.  God saw fit to give you to me.  I'm so excited for all the things God is going to do in our lives together; the things that you'll teach me, the things that I'll teach you, the things we'll learn together.


I do not have a manual for how to be your mom.  I'm winging it.  Because of that reason, I may screw up.  I may yell at you for something you didn't do.  I may ignore you when you really need to talk to me.  I may give you bad advice.  I may respond poorly to you when I am angry.  I can't watch you every second and you will get boo-boos.  


But please know, that even though I am not perfect, I still love you.  Nothing will change that.  Nothing you can say or do will make me love you any less.  Nothing I will do will be because I don't love you.  I cannot promise that you will never get hurt ... but I promise that I will ALWAYS be here for you.  


I will ALWAYS have a lap for you to sit in and cuddle.  I will ALWAYS have kisses to give you.  And I will ALWAYS pray for you and with you.


Audrey Grace ... you are my beautiful daughter and I thank God that I have you in my life. 

you know you're a mom when...

You find toys in your purse when you get to work.....